I've Been to Paradise, but I've Never Been To Me...

So lately I have heard this a lot, "I think you need a break". A break? A BREAK? What is this word you speak of, break? A break from what, may I ask? A break from being pregnant for the past two years? A break from having two boys still in diapers? Or do I need a break from lack of sleep, could that be it? Perhaps I need a break from having nothing in my closet now but maternity clothes? I don't know, maybe I need a break from not being the only one in the bathroom while I pee. Oh wait, I know what it is, I need a break from having a proper meal, right?
No, no, no, I need a break from all the vacations I take. Damn, Mexico is getting so mundane. You know what, it must be a break from all the heavy diamonds I wear - geesh these things bring me down, eh?
I think, in reality, what I need a break from is other people thinking my time is not as valuable as theirs. You know what I am talking about. People who come and go as they please in your life because well, you don't have crap going on anyway... Those who are under the impression that a SAHM sits around eating bon-bons and watching her "stories" all day. The fine folks, whether they be friends or relatives that make plans with you and TOTALLY FORGET ABOUT THEM after you have gotten up at 5am (after going to bed at 3) to clean your house, clean your children, clean the dogs, make sure angry children have eaten, beaten them into submission (kidding) so they don't embarrass you, tried to comb your hair and USE A HAIR DRYER because only your kids are used to seeing what a scary creature you resemble. Look, I do not have a maid or a nanny, and I do all of this alone for over eight hours. I have a newborn and a 19 month old - this is WORK, people. If you are coming over to my home that's great, superb, fine, lovely, dandy, can't wait to see you. But if you cancel on me TWICE, I may have to reconsider the next time you "plan" to see me and I get up at the crack of dawn to accomodate your visit. I actually went to the trouble of trimming my bush (stop it, Lotus, uh-huh I KNOW you) outside so you would not get whacked in the face by a rogue tree branch. And let me tell you something, I received quite a nasty wound from this gardening I did. Yeah! And you know what else, the time I spent cleaning the damn house is time I could have spent with my kids, because, well, I have to stash them somewhere so I can actually get something accomplished, and, yeah, I was going somewhere with this but I've lost it. The sun is about to come up.
I think I need a break.

It's Showtime!!!

When I was younger I had a very different outlook on my future life as an adult. I was infatuated with any movie that incorporated dancing, singing, New York, and a possible addiction to speed. I fancied myself a Broadway dancer, auditioning for countless shows and waiting tables while being able to afford a loft apartment with exposed brick. I longed for the days that I would attend a performing arts school that didn't so much focus on academics but there was always a chance spontaneous dancing would occur at any moment. To this day I am fully prepared if the employees at Food Lion decide to break out in the Fame street-dancing routine. Oh yes, I can do it, and I would make poor dead Leroy proud... Need me to recite a monologue from A Chorus Line during one of Zach's humiliating audition sequences? I'm on it! And my dream role? Why the daughter in All That Jazz of course... Sadly, there are like ten more movies or shows I am not even mentioning.
Of course none of these aspirations came to fruition. I am not a dancer. I do not live in New York. I'm not a recovering coke addict with a bad knee due to all of my tricky Fosse moves. Oh well, I could have had it all and it has passed me by.
But has it?
I say no. No because I have spawned two possible future geniuses of music and dance. Because one day a child of mine could be thanking me when they accept their Tony. Because I listened to music and I still danced in the living room during my pregnancies.
Because now when I say, "boom chicka boom chicka boom" to my 19 month old, he dances.
He dances.

Sounds of Silence

I am used to constant noise and activity. It is the norm now. We have five parrots, one dog, two kids, and there is always music playing, toys blaring, or the ever-reliable NOGGIN channel (thanks Yo Gabba Gabba, what's the deal with that show anyway?). So when I am home and the husband is at work, the boys are napping, and the birds are quiet, I feel lost. Lost in my own thoughts. Like I should be doing something that I'm not. I pull myself up, shower, clean things, get the mail, whatever I can to pass the time. Then I realize I am just trying to get through the precious moments of silence until all hell breaks loose again. Because sometimes silence isn't golden, it's loud and hurts my ears. Because I now love the newborn cry and the 19 month old banging on things. Sometimes I find myself watching Blue's Clues when no one else is. I used to be so cool, what the hell happened to me?

I Used To Sing In The Shower

Back in the day-o I fancied myself the next Natalie Merchant, or going back to 1982 the sixth member of Duran Duran (shut up). Up until two years ago I would sing in the shower. Ah, fond memories of actually having time to take a shower and shaving my legs or (gasp) under my arms, but I digress... I could sing anything, selections from the musical "Grease", something from 10,000 Maniacs, or perhaps my stand-by favorite 'Endless Love' (I sang both parts because I'm diverse like that y'all). My point is I actually knew the words to different songs.
Now when I find myself under the flow of water in my bathroom, the only songs that fill my head are those off my son's toys. The amount of times a day I hear "Hickory Dickory Dock" in some strange choral arrangement or "Row Row Your Damn Boat" is amazing. So instead of pretending I am the newest pop singer on the scene, living like a rock star, doing meth, and drinking too much - I am now reciting the ABC song (in English and Spanish). I often wonder to myself, is anyone else going through this too?